Spider Jerusalem Quotes: Year of the Bastard

-Can’t rely on anything, except that it’ll go fucking wrong.

-Now I’m going to castrate you and suffocate you on your own cock and balls, you poisonous little thug.  Because I have had enough of your squalid, ignorant weasel kind, and you will breed NO MORE

-I want something that’ll give me the stamina of a young werewolf, the vision of a shaman, the thoughts of a serial killer and the gentleness of a hungry vampire bat.

Spider’s voting PSA:
-You want to know about voting? I’m here to tell you about voting. Imagine you’re in a huge, underground nightclub filled with sinners, whores, freaks and unnameable things that rape pit bulls for fun.  And you ain’t allowed out until you all vote on what you’re going to do tonight.

You like to put your feet up and watch “Republican Party Reservation” THEY like to have sex with normal people with knives, guns and brand-new sexual organs you did not know existed.  So you vote for television, and everyone else, as far as the eye can see, votes to fuck you with switchblades.

That’s voting.  You’re welcome.

-You’re not supposed to say that in America, are you? The land of the can-do, the American dream of grab all you can and fuck the other guy.

-I can’t solve any problems.  All I can do is try to make sure people can’t avoid noticing them.  Make other people solve them.  The right people.

-I so badly want to kill everyone in this room.  Even the children. Especially the children. (at a political convention)

-By four o’clock I’ve discounted suicide in favor of killing everyone else in the world instead.

-I won’t have this! It makes me want to puke! IT MAKES ME WANT TO SHIT ON GEORGE WASHINGTON’S DEAD CHEST!

Joshua Freeh — I know you’re trouble.  I can smell it.  I can feel it in my journalistic gonads.  Each and every one of my sperms knows you’re bad, and they’re churning with hate and murder inside my burning balls, Freeh… churning

-Get that shit away from me!  Your cheap, mind-toasting drugs are no good to me!  I’m a journalist, damn your ovaries!