Archive for April, 2010

The Coolest Thing Ever

The Coolest Thing Ever is what I’m here to share with you today. With super warm weather fast approaching, it’s important to stay cool and hydrated. What better way than with a Slush Puppie!? I’ve never been a fan of Icees, give me a Slush Puppie with squirt-in flavor any day of the summer.

Now, you need to go track down the nearest Slush Puppie machine. I’ll wait.


Got it? Great!

Now, go buy yourselves a nice, big box of Fruit Rollups. They look like this:

or this:

Any flavor will do.

Now, you have your Fruit Rollup (TM) and your favorite flavor Slush Puppie (TM), so go ahead and tear off a good size piece of the fruit rollup, and dip it in the Slush Puppie!

Hold it there for a count of 10 seconds.

I’ll wait.


Now, quick! Give it two shakes to remove the excess slush, and pop it in your mouth!


If you’ve done this right, the Fruit Rollup will shatter in your mouth, then slowly melt and stick to your teeth and let you chew it until it dissolves and makes your tummy VERY happy.

It’s a perfect warm weather culinary delight! The changing texture, flavors, temperature, and behaviour of this method of consumption is a superb experience!

I discovered this while in Junior High, as they had both small Slush Puppies, as well as Fruit Rollups for sale in the a la carte lunch line. And now I’m releasing the secret of the coolest thing ever to you, dear readers, on the internet.

What spurred this magnanimity?

Why, this post on of course!

A science experiment has shown that a slushie before exercise on a hot day can boost your endurance. Taking this to its logical conclusion, you should make sure to consume a slushie before having sex on a really hot day. Boost your stamina!

Plus this will help you stay hydrated through this brutal summer, dear readers. Stay cool. ;P

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Thursday, April 29th, 2010 Rant, Things you cannot find No Comments

I get the GOP & Tea Party now.

I finally get the GOP & Tea Party (your grassroots movement can’t have corporate sponsorship!).

I was puzzled at first.

Could people really be protesting even though taxes were being lowered for 90% or more of the population?

Tea Party members live in an echo chamber, hearing only the fabricated Faux News they want to hear over and over, and they actually are that ignorant about tax facts

Flat Tax is a TRAP!

What about a flat tax? That sounds fair. Well, a ‘flat tax’ would shift a huge tax burden of high earners onto low earners, those who can least afford it. People quote rates as high as 14% for a flat tax, but if you earn up to $75,000, you could be paying as little as 5% of your income in taxes (depending on your deductions, see the link above about Tea Party not knowing about tax facts).

There is NO reasoning with the GOP

This guy GETS it. Look, it’s a conservative (little c) that calls out the GOP for its sins. And there are MANY. You may not like having a party in power, that while, far from perfect, has shown itself to be MUCH MORE adept at looking out for YOUR interests and trying to protect them.

Thank You SIR! May I Have Another!?

Why do people insist on being so self-damaging? I mean, I guess if they want to cut their noses off, that’s fine, but you’re inflicting your personal opinions on other people, codifying them through rule of law. Ours was founded to be a free country, not the cowardly freedom to seek to make people live the way YOU say so. If others are doing something that harms you, that’s bad. If it annoys or offends you, you have every right to complain, but don’t advocate violence against them!

Everyone Wants to be Rich.

I guess people buy into this Tea Party rhetoric as simple wish-fulfillment or delusion. They somehow think they are rich, despite evidence to the contrary, or assume they will be rich some day, so they had better start fighting so ‘the poor’ don’t steal all their money! This is the only rationalization I can see for such behaviour, supporting representatives who never had your interests at heart in the first place. Maybe the representatives lie really well, but they eventually out themselves after they get into office, and most of them have some history you can look at.

The Crazies.

You rail against this oppressive government that’s obviously keeping you down. That’s crazy talk. Period.

Insurance. Health or otherwise.

The Insurance situation is soooo hairy. If you don’t want to buy health insurance fine, pay the fine, but do you have car insurance as required by law? OMG GUMMINT CONSPIRACY, HOW DARE THEY REQUIRE YOU TO CARRY INSURANCE ON SOMETHING THAT CAN EASILY KILL/Injure/damage property. Coverage that is designed to MAKE YOU WHOLE should a disaster occur (if you carry full coverage) or cover you and/or the other party should you get into an accident with some self-important anti-government nut who doesn’t carry insurance on his two-tonne, metal death-missile. Cancel your homeowner’s or renter’s insurance. Also, refuse all Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, etc, benefits forever, as those are a form of insurance too. Please, start whingeing about something important, like Obama continuing the Bush Era Policy of Allowing Warrantless Wiretapping.

The Moral:

If I’ve learned one thing from the Tea Party Movement, it’s that: Yes, people are that stupid.

Thursday, April 15th, 2010 Politico, Rant No Comments