Spider Jerusalem Quotes: Lust for Life
I HATE IT HERE is the name of the column Spider Jerusalem wrote for The Word
1. If you loved me, you’d all kill yourselves today.
2. Saddle me with a fucking assistant, will he? Send some glassy-eyed grad student to my home, will he? I’ll show him… I’ll show them all…
3. Everyone’s a fucking editor.
4. Laying open the guts of the world and sniffing the entrails, that’s what we [journalists] do.
5. You don’t learn journalism in a school. You learn it by writing fucking journalism. You teach yourself to wire up your own brain and gut and reproductive organs into one frightening machine that you aim at the planet like a meat gun –
6. All people are scum. No matter what they look like.
7. I haven’t been laid in four years, that’s why! It’s been so long, I’m afraid to get laid now! I got so much internal pressure built up that I’d probably blow a hole in a woman the size of my fist!
8. POINT: Journalism is not about plans and spreadsheets. It’s about human reaction and criminal enterprise. Here the lesson begins.
9. Go listen to the address. Note down his lies. There will be many, so clear some memory on that handheld of yours. Then go home and write a column that’ll make his eyes bleed and his sphincter collapse.
10. I quit jumpstart pills, and now I’m looser’n a Catholic womb.
11. Listen, you streak of rat’s piss–I’m an accredited exorcist with civic center, and I’ll go where I fucking well please–
12. You pissed in the economy. You shat on the law and wiped your ass on the truth. You ought to be peeled, salted, driven through the streets by mental patients with spiked planks, and then used as a toilet and jizz-catcher by baboons in heat. At best.
13. There IS no “Real America,” you living afterbirth! There’s no real city! All there is, is what we make it! And what you want to make it is a big fucking sore that oozes money like pus!
14. You’ve got your vote for hate, and I’ve got a column. And I’m not going to rest until your raped, burned, castrated and dog-shit-stuffed corpse is strung up in the middle of century square for the necrophile boys to play with.
-Silence. I am watching television.