The Coolest Thing Ever is what I’m here to share with you today. With super warm weather fast approaching, it’s important to stay cool and hydrated. What better way than with a Slush Puppie!? I’ve never been a fan of Icees, give me a Slush Puppie with squirt-in flavor any day of the summer.

Now, you need to go track down the nearest Slush Puppie machine. I’ll wait.

Mmm-hmm-mm-hmmm.

Got it? Great!

Now, go buy yourselves a nice, big box of Fruit Rollups. They look like this:

or this:

Any flavor will do.

Now, you have your Fruit Rollup (TM) and your favorite flavor Slush Puppie (TM), so go ahead and tear off a good size piece of the fruit rollup, and dip it in the Slush Puppie!

Hold it there for a count of 10 seconds.

I’ll wait.

….

Now, quick! Give it two shakes to remove the excess slush, and pop it in your mouth!

Chew!

If you’ve done this right, the Fruit Rollup will shatter in your mouth, then slowly melt and stick to your teeth and let you chew it until it dissolves and makes your tummy VERY happy.

It’s a perfect warm weather culinary delight! The changing texture, flavors, temperature, and behaviour of this method of consumption is a superb experience!

I discovered this while in Junior High, as they had both small Slush Puppies, as well as Fruit Rollups for sale in the a la carte lunch line. And now I’m releasing the secret of the coolest thing ever to you, dear readers, on the internet.

What spurred this magnanimity?

Why, this post on Lifehacker.com of course!

A science experiment has shown that a slushie before exercise on a hot day can boost your endurance. Taking this to its logical conclusion, you should make sure to consume a slushie before having sex on a really hot day. Boost your stamina!

Plus this will help you stay hydrated through this brutal summer, dear readers. Stay cool. ;P